Sunday, April 10, 2011

The Audacity of MY Weariness

It was a regular check-in via text with my long-distance BFF...and I went there. I sent a message saying that I was "feeling weary" of a life-event and it's effects, looking forward to the day that would pass without one fleeting thought being spent on these circumstances. She responded sweetly, offering encouragement and prayer. But this conversation stayed with me for a good chunk of the day. And I was embarrassed that I had even allowed those emotions, and worse that I gave them a little life by sharing them.

My current situation involves some physical discomfort and challenges, but it's better than it was four months ago and I know that I am not at the end of the healing process. How can I complain of my problem when there are others that have lived for years with chronic physical ailments? I know what my challenges are and they don't compare to those who endure endless medical testing that only reveals more questions than answers. While only God knows the future, I currently expect to fully comparison to those who persevere throughout their lives with little or no hope for a cure or recovery. How dare I grow weary.

And I stress that my issues have only been physical. While there has certainly been moments of anxiety and concern, I always knew where to turn and find peace. Throughout this situation, I have been sustained by a loving Creator. He has wrapped me in a cocoon of loving family and friends. And I rested in the palm of His hand knowing that He would use this for good and His glory (Romans 8:28). No comparison to those that cope without the support of loved ones or who struggle because they have no faith or hope in someone bigger than themselves. How dare I grow weary.

And, finally,for further perspective, I need to consider the weariness that God should have with me. How weary He must be when I do allow doubt to bully my faith...or when I judge another...or when I fail on a commitment...or when I place myself above others...or any number of failings I have on a daily basis. And what of the weariness of Jesus on the cross, hanging there taking God's wrath for my sins, suffering in all ways imaginable...for me. How dare I grow weary.

Hebrews 12:3 says "Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart". I need to keep my eyes focused on Him, not on me. I need to be thankful in all circumstances because I know that God is using them to shape my character. I need to be patient in the process too. While many blessings have been revealed throughout this situation, the chapter is not finished yet. I shall not dare to grow weary.

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