My Good News

"Hi, Tracey...this is Martha.  The results from your biopsy are in and they are negative." As I hung up the phone, standing in the middle of our family vacation on a northern beach of Michigan's lower peninsula, I gave thanks.  I pray often that God use me mightily for His glory...not a prayer I say lightly or fearlessly.  When I had learned of the need for the biopsy, 10 days earlier, I spent some considerable time leaning on God, trusting His plan for me...praying for His will to be done and He be glorified throughout...praying for my family...and praying about potential decisions to come.  After receiving the results, I have to admit that I heaved a sigh of relief.

Each morning of our vacation, my husband and I spent some quiet time along the beach...reading, waiting for the world (and our kids) to wake up.  The day following the phone call, I returned to my prayers of thanks.  Then I was suddenly jarred in my gated community of self-absorption.  While I received good news,  someone else's wife, mom, grandmother, sister or daughter was receiving different news.  I wondered about the lady that I saw exit just before my appointment, having undergone the same procedure.  What news did her phone call convey?  I was humbled by the undeserved mercy...mercy that I did not have to take on such a big battle...at least not at this time with three daughters to raise.  But somewhere else, someone else was facing the battle.  And they didn't "deserve" such a diagnosis any more than I deserved freedom from the same diagnosis.  I prayed for them...for God's will to be done and He be glorified throughout...for their family as they face the mountain together, continuously adjusting to new "normals"...for the decisions she would have to make about her body.  And it really drove home the meaning of the famous quote, "There but for the grace of God, go I".

What good news have you received lately?  Perhaps, given this economy, you were able to keep your job while the desk next to yours was emptied of family pictures and Subway coupons.  Perhaps the mechanic called you with good news about only a minor repair being needed, while another customer was in for a financial shock.  Perhaps you've been blessed with another positive pregnancy test while a husband and wife grieve another childless month passing.  We should all remember that every car that passes and every house on our streets contain unique stories...stories with happy chapters...and with tragic chapters.  No one is immune from heartbreak or guaranteed good fortune.  Be thankful when things seem to be going your way...be thankful when the road seems to have gotten rocky because God can use it for good (as conveyed by Romans 8:28)...be empathetic when seeing others struggle...and avoid envy when seeing others enjoying  victories.  We are all sinners...each deserving of all of life's troubles and undeserving of its mercies.  

He Will Direct My Paths

I was reminded today...that life is hard...the answers are not always easy...I'm not in control...and that just pertains to myself and my role/responsibilities.  And it becomes more complicated as additional people become entangled.

When I'm overwhelmed...unsure...here is where I find peace.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." ~ Proverbs 3:5-6

Now to make it mine...pardon me while I take some liberties with Scripture.

"I will trust in the Lord with all my heart, and lean not on my own understanding (I often have none!); In all my ways, I will acknowledge Him, and He will direct my paths."  Amen.

Who Am I Reflecting?

I was humbled, and a bit nauseous, to be asked to speak at our church's annual Mother and Daughter banquet over Mother's Day weekend. In the days following the event, I was asked to make my message available to those who were not able to attend. So, what follows is the text of my talk. I have edited it a bit because writing for what is read is a little different than writing for what is said. I also removed some of my opening comments of thanks to many. Their omission here is in no way reflective of a diminished appreciation for all that were mentioned. Please forgive the liberties I've taken when personalizing the Bible verses shared.

As I prepared for this evening, I started with our key verse for tonight…Proverbs 31:30. I must confess that my first thought was “Oh no!! Not that Proverbs 31 chick! She has it all together! She gets up early and stays up late! She’s never idle or doing anything that is non-value added! She manages her home perfectly and manages to add to her family’s finances…while my home is…let’s just say less than perfect… and I get overwhelmed by couponing. And, I love to take naps. No naps mentioned in all of Proverbs 31.” But she is mentioned in the Bible for a reason. She’s not perfect…only one person mentioned in the Bible is…and she’s not Him. So, if that lady can get it all pulled together, then, with God’s help, so can I. It’s interesting to note how her story is presented in the Bible. It runs for 22 verses, beginning with a description of how virtuous she is and then going on to list all that she accomplishes. Our verse is near the end and it says “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing..." now, as I experience fine lines on my face and shiny metallic hairs growing from my scalp as scars of life lived, I will leave this part of the verse alone. Instead I will focus on the second half of the verse that says "...but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised..” What interests me is that the reason she is who she is is mentioned at the end, when you know it was also prevalent at the beginning and throughout her story. She is someone who “feared the Lord” or, in other words, was in awe of who God is and what He has done. Obviously thankful for this, she is honoring God by blooming where she is planted. And that is our lesson from her--to bloom where we are planted. And how do we get there? Proverbs 3, verses 5 and 6, teaches us to “Trust in the Lord with all our heart, and lean not on our own understanding; In all our ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct our paths.” We can audit ourselves against this superwoman, accounting for our modern times, of course, and then praying to God to reveal our gaps to us and lead us in ways to close those voids. He will be faithful. Matthew 7:7 reminds us that we only need to “Ask, and it will be given to us; seek and we will find; knock, and it will be opened to us.”

You know, if God mentions this Proverbs 31 icon to teach us some lessons, then maybe we can learn from the other women He made sure were included in His love letter to us, the Bible. It’s easy to draw the conclusion from Scripture that women are very special to God. Remember…He made the first man out of dust, (now…just a sidebar…and while I am certainly not referring to my husband, this does explain a lot for the dirt a guy can spread around…doesn’t it, ladies?). Anyway, I digress…He made Adam of dust, but He made the first woman out of flesh and bone. And He could have carried out His sovereign plan for salvation in any way He wanted...and He chose to send Jesus, to be born of a woman. While there is no time to mention all of these historical figures, I would love to mention just a handful.

First, of course, there was Eve…the first wife, the first mom, the first to fail, the first to have a wayward child when you consider the story of Cain and Abel. She had the perfect place to live and a personal relationship with God and still she sinned. Knowing this, we can’t expect much better from ourselves. But, we do have the benefit of learning from Eve’s experience.

Years later, there is the wife of Noah. We don’t know her name, but can’t we learn from her example of the helpmeet designed by God for her husband as he pursued a God-given purpose that no one understood? And here we all are…descended from her through her three sons.

Sarah was the wife of Abraham…advanced in years, God promised Abraham that he and Sarah would have a son. And she doubted…and she tried to control God’s plan by orchestrating her husband having a child with her maidservant. Haven’t we all doubted? Haven’t we all tried to exert our control over life? But God is in control and He was faithful to His promise to Abraham and Sarah, despite her blunders, and He is faithful in His promises to us too in spite of our blunders.

Jochebed was the mother of Moses. She gave birth to him while Israel was enslaved in Egypt, and Egypt, intimidated by the growing nation of Israel, issued an edict that all male babies would be killed. Imagine her faith as she hid him…consider her faith when she placed him in a basket and sent him afloat, to be found by the Egyptian princess. She knew that God was in the business of working miracles and God rewarded her faith. And God will reward ours.

We learn from the story of Rahab that God can use anyone to advance His plan. Rahab was not of God’s chosen people of Israel and, up to the point where she is introduced, she had lived a life of bad choices and sinfulness. And though her knowledge of God was minimal, she knew enough about what He had done for the people of Israel that she was willing to lie to her own people to help the spies sent by Joshua. She placed her faith in God and those spies to save her family during the destruction of Jericho and she was rewarded. She is listed in the the genealogy of Christ, for all of eternity to see, in the Gospel of Matthew. While Rahab’s sins may have been more obvious than ours, we can remember that none of us deserve God’s grace. He is Holy and we are all sinners. But He freely gives it and He can redeem anyone.

The Old Testament is filled with so many more lives that we can learn from…Rebekah and Rachel and their roles as matriarchs of the Jewish nation, Hannah and her faith in God to give her a son, Ruth’s loyalty to her mother-in-law, Esther’s opportunity to save her people…just to name a few.

And when it was time to set His plan for our salvation into motion…to begin fulfilling all those Messianic prophecies…God chose a young woman who was engaged to a righteous man…and burdened her with an out-of-wedlock pregnancy. I’m sure it wasn’t easy, to carry the burden of public ridicule and those quiet whispers too. But she fulfilled her role…one of the most important in history…sustained by faith in God.

Women played an important role in Jesus’ life and ministry. He visited Mary and Martha, whose lives all of us ladies can learn much from. Mary sat at Jesus’ feet learning while Martha worried about how clean her house was and whether everyone’s glass was filled. When Martha complained to Jesus that Mary wasn’t helping, Jesus helped Martha get her priorities straight, teaching that Mary was focused on what was more important. Aren’t all of us convicted by that…focusing on our to-do list before we focus on our relationship with Christ? How much smoother our lives can go if we get our priorities right? The lives of Mary and Martha remind us that there must be faith before there are works….to focus on what Christ did for me because it far outweighs anything I do for Him.

As with the Old Testament, there are many notable women mentioned in the New Testament from whom we can learn. Jesus’ encounter with the Samaritan woman at the well reminds us that our past sins are no indicator of our value to Christ…Mary Magdalene, formerly possessed by demons, remained longer than any other disciple at the cross, was the first to reach His tomb and was the first person who Jesus revealed Himself to following the resurrection. We can all learn from her love for Jesus, recognizing all that He had done for her. Women were very active in the young Christian church following the ascension of Jesus to heaven. The Bible mentions them by name…Dorcas, Lydia, Priscilla and Phoebe…and we all sit here as part of the harvest for the Lord that they had helped plant.

So when I consider all that God has done through these many women…not to mention all of the men of the Bible…how can I not fear the Lord, to esteem Him with reverence and awe because He, the Creator, thought of me before He ever hung the stars. He loved me to plan for my salvation, knowing what a sinner I would be, sending His son to die for me and take my deserved punishment.

The work for my salvation and the salvation of all those who put their faith in Jesus was completed over 2000 years ago through the life, death and resurrection of Jesus…in fact we celebrated all those events in detail just a few weeks ago at Easter. I cannot add to it. As Jesus said just before dying on the cross “It is finished”. But I can give thanks and praise by blooming where I am planted. Our theme for this evening is “Reflections of a Godly Woman”. Who is this ‘godly woman’ reflecting? She is reflecting Jesus, and this is obvious through the fruits of the Spirit evident in her ways.

In his letter to the church at Galatia, the Apostle Paul shares the fruits of the Spirit with us…but only after he reminds us first that the natural inclinations for us all are traits such as idolatry (perhaps of money, celebrity or even our children), hatred, lewdness, selfish ambitions, envy…just to name a few. And I am convicted by those. Selfish ambitions? I want to be the one to eat all of the fries that fall to the bottom of the McDonald’s bag, not sharing with anyone else in the car. I want to be first in line everywhere I go because my time is more important than everyone else’s. And those are things that Jesus would not do, so they are a reflection of the world. If I want to be a godly woman…if I want to reflect Jesus to others, because my life may be the only Bible that someone reads, then I need to always be working on how my life expresses those fruits of the spirit…love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. And those are my daily pursuits. Please understand that I am not chatting from a position of mastery over these various attributes. I struggle with each of these in some form daily.

A few years back, I read in a devotional book, that real joy comes from serving Jesus, Others, Yourself...in that order. This has become my mantra. I buy just about anything that I find that says JOY so that I can plaster it around my house. I want it to be a mantra for my girls as they grow to be women of faith, wives and moms themselves. When I don't feel like folding underwear, I can decide whether I want real JOY or martyrdom. And when it's been one of "those" days and I want to run and hide, I can at least focus on serving Jesus...thus serving others (my family) because that is what He wants. This has been such a source of peace for me. It has given me a "true north" when my compass starts pointing at me.

As women, I know we can sometimes get to the end of the day and wonder "what did I accomplish?" or "in the grand scheme of things, did my day really matter?" I was an engineer. I was responsible for the design, build and installation of assembly equipment for waterproof rod-heated exhaust oxygen sensors. I helped companies reduce their employee turnover. And then my days were spent responding to "Mom...I can't get the #2 off the wall." But what I do does matter. I am raising the future wives of three young men who at this very minute are playing baseball or riding their bike. And without them realizing it, those young men are trusting that I'm doing my job. I am teaching lifeskills to the future moms of my grandchildren. What I do does matter. And God does reward me and motivate me through my girls. A couple of summers back, we were enjoying a camping trip on the shore of Lake Huron. We were all playing on the beach. Rachael, who turned 11 recently, was sitting next to me and bothered by a recent wound on her leg that was healing. Watching her, I reminded her to not pick at it because it would leave a scar and jeopardize any future modeling career she was hoping for. Very seriously, she turned to me and said "I don't want to be a model. I want to be a mom." What more could I dream of than to have my kids follow me in my beloved profession?

To close, I wanted to share something that I had received through email a few years back. Some of you may have read it before. It's a condensed version of a book by Nicole Johnson. And, while I never feel as invisible as Charlotte does, the overall message never gets old for me.

I'm invisible

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please."

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.She's going, she's going, she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a
friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this."

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte, with
admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it."

And the workman replied, "Because God sees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. (I see you, Tracey.) I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."

As women, we are building great cathedrals. Perhaps those cathedrals are in our homes...or in our workplace...or in our churches...or in our neighborhoods. And if we are doing it right, we won't be seen. God will. If we will recognize our Creator with awe and reverence...if we will allow the Holy Spirit to weave the Fruits throughout our lives...seeking to glorify God rather than ourselves...then one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the faith-driven efforts of invisible godly women.

His Earthly Army of Angels

The text message arrived this morning, 24 days since the car accident..."Hi there! Just wondered if you were going 2 be home this afternoon? I made a chicken pot pie & have some rolls for you? Hope you are all getting stronger everyday"...I can not help but be overwhelmed by the cocoon that the Heavenly Father has woven around us through His earthly army of angels, allowing us to heal and focus on each other. And this band of caretakers was called into action before we ever emerged from our vehicle...witnesses of the accident calling 911, comforting and assisting us before help arrived, the homeowner whose yard we landed in bringing out warm wet towels so we could clean our faces, the unsung heroes of police and emergency workers just doing their job, my in-laws covering so many bases that we were unable to fully cover that day and in the days since, a corps of families from church springing to action to pray and fill every need (known and unknown), and friends and family who have called, written and prayed. I have a pile of personal thank you's to write but could not get past the need today to write something, praising God for His provision and care for us through so many (see Psalm 103:20-22 above).

While I am thankful for the many terrible things that did not happen on December 12, I am grateful for what has happened. My family has received an intensive crash course (pun intended :) ) in serving and caring for others. While I have prepared meals for others when an expectant mom has been relegated to bed rest or when someone has been limited by a recent surgery, my eyes have been open to countless opportunities where I did not step up and serve enough. What follows is just a short list of the gifts of love, time and service we have received.

• So many generous meals...by the time everything is out of my freezer, we will have been fed for at least 5 weeks.
• My laundry was done...though they had to sneak it away while I was at the hospital with our youngest daughter.
• My floors have been swept and mopped. The floors would have been vacuumed but that had been done earlier in the day.
• Grocery shopping
• Our driveway and sidewalk cleaned as needed
• Christmas shopping
• The wrapping of Christmas gifts
• Breaking my two oldest daughters out of the house for a breather from all they have been called on to do
• Notes, calls and emails to encourage us
• Regular text messages offering assistance with errands

We have received so many gifts through this experience...the blessings of a family strengthened by trials, the blessings of a marriage strengthened by crisis, the shaping of character when faced with difficult times, the firming of faith when leaning fully on God and welcoming His will in all things and the gift of seeing His love for us in action. I pray that anyone faced with the trials that may occur in life can be blessed with these same gifts and more. And I pray that God will use me and my family similarly in the lives of others.

Slugbug Prayers

Allow me to begin by confessing that I have not YET mastered the discipline of getting up early every morning for some quality quiet time with my Bible...and a thorough prayer session. I realize that confessing the weakness is the first step towards overcoming it...please pray for me!

With that said, you can understand that I need as much help as possible to make the most of the power of prayer. So I have developed/copied/stolen various triggers and routines that will bring me into a prayerful moment. For example, I participate in a long distance slugbug competition with my sister in California and my cousin in Arkansas (and, now my mom...wherever she may be at any given time). When any of us sees a Volkswagon Beetle, we text the others, accumulating points for the day (no slugging...just the prize of daily victory). There are extra points for convertibles and vintage models (we call them "old school"). This may seem silly to some, but I don't care. What this does is keep us connected on a daily basis. And, whether I see a slugbug and text them, or I receive a message from one of them on a sighting...that triggers me to say a prayer of thanks for these special ladies...perhaps petitioning God on their behalf regarding something going on in their life...asking for blessing on them and their loved ones. This children's game reminds me to pray for them.

And I have other similar triggers in my daily life....while folding laundry, pray for each garment's owner, making each prayer specific because there will probably be more than one prayer said for each person...pictures and mementos around my home remind me to pray for various family members and friends...see a news story or article, pray for those involved and that God's will be done...and, when I lay down to sleep, to quiet my brain from the day's activities and tomorrow's to-do list, I pray specifically over my husband and my children, and all that is going on in their lives. It's a chance for me to give thanks for all the blessings in my life and to hand over any burdens to Him who loved me so much that He gave His only Son so that I may believe and not perish (John 3:16). This allows me to enjoy peaceful rest.

Several years ago, I spent some time in the Bible study by Cynthia Heald titled "Becoming a Woman of Prayer" (you can order it here). I learned volumes about how God is listening...how He wants us to be persistent...that we can pray for anything. And I drew comfort from knowing that the Holy Spirit will lift up the prayers we really need when we may not know what to pray for. Prayer has given me comfort when moments of worry and doubt may be sneaking up on me. And I've seen the results of prayer in my life...in the big life issues and the daily challenges that a stay-at-home homeschooling mom can face. I am thankful that Jesus tore the veil separating me from God...through dying for my sinfulness...so that I can approach the throne of the Holy Father myself and build a relationship.

So, I recommend that you work on understanding the power of prayer. Develop your prayer habits. You will come to develop a peace that will help you manage life through any circumstance.